Day 5 Leave Me Alone Im Fat

Good Morning Friends,

I know that I did not post yesterday, I have chosen not to blog on Sunday's, so I will do a double post on Monday's, one in the A.M. and then once again in the P.M.  That is unless I get a Job, or a life, or something similar to one of those, than I will most likely start doing video entries to save time.  Unless you really like to read than I will keep writing cause I am a serious people pleaser.(; totally kidding...

Let me just start out by saying that I was really excited yesterday when I saw Denise and Keith Wills at Capitola Community Church, Keith was our guest speaker, and I found out that Denise really enjoys reading my blog.  I cant tell you how affirming it was to have this conversation, and I will tell you why.  I beleive that one of the most basic needs of all of us is to connect to others, and I have always been at my best when I am connected to a community, like the Blue Rock Shoot community, an amazing Open Mic in Saratoga CA, that was started by Richard Adoradio, Lindy Way, and built on an amazing group of talented singer song writers, free stylers, and musicians from every style of music from Jazz to Blues, to Rock and Roll and even some Hip Hop. This is not just any Open Mic, I began coming with Richard from the very beginning, in those day's Richard, Ryder(my brother), and I were the Alchemy Brothers.  I Loved being there with these guys, our vocal harmonies were rich, and our intramentals were well practiced, and very tight.  We had great friendships, holiday parties, and people from every walk of life came and were welcomed with open arms, and could sign up on a chalk board to share what they would normally only play in there living room, with little or no audience.  This community gave birth to many talented partnerships, a wonderful music studio was built, song writing workshops and guitar lessons were all created out of what began in that Open Mic, which never would have began unless, Richard had not had the vision to create an alternative to the Bay Area Folks, which was the only other game in town at the time but not everybody's cup of tea.. For me and many others this was a great way to connect with people with similar interests. This is just one of many ways that we can expand and get out and connect.  At one point I stopped going to the Open Mic, and it wasn't long after that, that I stopped going out all together, eventually I got horribly depressed, started gaining weight, eating got out of control..Yada..Yada..Yada..  The point is the connection was severed, and I turned inward, and began spending a lot of time in my own head.  I got to tell you, this is a very bad neighborhood. I have many great friends from Prospect that I haven't seen in over 20 years now.  My very best friends at the time T.J, I only spent some time with this past year because my other best friend Danny Clark passed away.  I hadn't seen him since before graduation.  I am totally heart broken thinking about Danny.  Him and I did everything together.  We were all so inseparable, we caused trouble, banged our heads, jumped off of very tall structures into cold water under hazardous conditions and lived to tell about it.  I take full responsibility for allowing these relationships to falter.  Disconnection from friends and family is a major catalyst for getting into other damaging habits.  When basic human needs are not filled, unhealthy habits often fill the void. Has anyone else ever had this experience, we have major voids in our life, so we spiral into a place called Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead(A Harmless Plug for the movie that inspired me)  Listen to the following basic necessary activities essential to living a well adjusted life, I just wasn't doing any of them

I stopped answering my phone(I became a screener)
I stopped opening my mail
Bills...yup stopped paying them
Work..I stopped going
Church, I stopped going for a while
I stopped practicing guitar
I stopped going out with friends
I stopped eating healthy foods as a primary source of calories
I started making sweets, and foods laden with fat and full of empty c
arbs as my primary source.

Now the people who know me best might say, that this does not sound like me.  The Reality is that I put on a front for the few people that I still kept in touch with.  I was in a state of constant despair, just bursting out crying for no apparent reason.  I was shut out by my parent's when I decided to become a Christian, and they further shut all five of their kids when they found out that we reported my father to the authorities in 2 Counties.  And then to make things worse I shut out the people who were in my life that loved me most.  How many of you, have I spent time with any any kind of really intimate way in the last 15 years.  I have a list of friends on Facebook that I am incredibly proud of.  Just about every person on here has meant an awful lot to me at different stages of my life, and I just want to say one thing to you.

I AM SO VERY SORRY THAT I HAVE SHUT YOU OUT OF MY LIFE OVER THE LAST MANY YEARS, AND I AM COMMITTED TO CORRECTING THIS, I LOVE YOU ALL, AND I AM SO GLAD TO BE ALIVE TODAY TO HAVE A CHANCE TO RECONNECT WITH ALL OF YOU...AND I MEAN IT FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART...YES ESPECIALLY YOU BRIAN MILLER...LOL

The following is sited from Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs.
Note:  Love and Belonging is the second most important need listed above water, food, sleep, and The Biggest Loser.

After physiological and safety needs are fulfilled, the third layer of human needs are interpersonal and involve feelings of belongingness. The need is especially strong in childhood and can over-ride the need for safety as witnessed in children who cling to abusive parents. Deficiencies with respect to this aspect of Maslow's hierarchy – due to hospitalism, neglect, shunning, ostracism etc. – can impact individual's ability to form and maintain emotionally significant relationships in general, such as:

• Friendship
• Intimacy
• Family

Humans need to feel a sense of belonging and acceptance, whether it comes from a large social group, such as clubs, office culture, religious groups, professional organizations, sports teams, gangs, or small social connections (family members, intimate partners, mentors, close colleagues, confidants). They need to love and be loved (sexually and non-sexually) by others. In the absence of these elements, many people become susceptible to loneliness, social anxiety, and clinical depression. This need for belonging can often overcome the physiological and security needs, depending on the strength of the peer pressure; an anorexic, for example, may ignore the need to eat and the security of health for a feeling of control and belonging

A very good friend of mine wouldn't come to house to go to the pool with me and my family because he didn't want anybody see him in his swim trunks.  I have been putting off trying to get a job in my chosen profession in the Natural Foods Industry, because I was ashamed of how I look.  How can I sell supplements to people looking like this.  The fact is that so many of us are so ashamed of how we look that we just stay home.  Does this ring true with anybody out there?  I understand it, I have felt it, and I have used it as an excuse as to why I shouldn't enjoy life to its full, and its been going on too long.  We use our weight to push people away, we use our depression as an excuse to not connect with others. Its Time to Change all of this!!! What do you say?  Are you with me?  Lets begin today, by calling an old friend, plan a get together(make sure to invite me) Go to an Open Mic, Check local listings for the Blue Rock in Saratoga.  I believe they are meeting on Thursday Nights at 7PM.

Together we can be the change we want to see in the world.  It all starts with a conversation, so please join this conversation by leaving a comment, leave some questions, leave some request's..Let Do it..Im Ready Are YOU?